Curiosity

She could have anything or anyone she pleases.
Do you wonder why she chose you? 
Do you wonder if she regrets it? 
Has she changed towards you? 

Defeated

Goodbye Kiss

Moments where your heart hurts so bad you truly feel like you're going to break in half. 

Dream of Lies

Her eyes fluttered open to see a prince standing before her. Though she was leery he won her over with his whispered promises. He swore himself different than those who broke her heart and brought her to her slumber. His hand outstretched he waited patiently until finally it met with hers. He slowly brought her back to her feet.

Woken from her peaceful rest she is brought into his world shattered. Her heart in pieces, her mind struggling to gain control so not to repeat her past. Silently she becomes more and more aware that her mind is loosing its battle. What she once thought impossible, pieces slowly begin to feel love.

She could not foresee the price at which this love will cost. This love is not created the same as her past. It's weighted heavier, stronger with a powerful pull that is indescribable by mere words. Love flowing into a broken vessel has no other option but to run through its many cracks falling deep into her soul to grow.

The prince sees the change in her, doubt being replaced by faith. He drops his veil releasing his true nature. His vows are replaced by excuses of when his promises will be made true.

Her eyes desperately seek his in search of her prince that set out long ago to be her savior. He can not hold the lies from her any longer. What hope he had created in her is replaced with sorrow in her eyes and a mourning in her soul.

A sinking feeling pours down deep into her depths washing the reality over her. Realization that her prince was her ultimate demise. She was woken with a kiss only to chase a dream of lies!

Deep wound

Days like today when I finally feel fine and then thoughts of you creep into my mind. It's the daily reminder that I can't escape. I'm still hopelessly in love with a man who no longer exists.

I've been here before. Down a dark painful path. Left only with shattered pieces of hope. Struggling to convince myself I don't care.

You could not see the man I saw. You were incapable of loving yourself so how could I have thought you could actually love me? I'm disappointed and heartbroken that you could make me feel as if I wasn't enough.

I hold tight to the sleepless nights and the pain. It's all I have left to remind me why these walls should never again be broken. I have to burry the secret hopes that your promises were true and this is just a bad dream. Say goodbye to the hopeless romantic beliefs that you will come back to wake me from this nightmare. It was done once with just a simple kiss, but that was a time when possibilities were believed to be endless. 

Self Destruction

She stands on the edge of a cliff watching the darkness close in around her. Above, the clouds roll in. The wind starts to blow. Lightning flashes across the sky. The storm builds in her eyes.

Her anger returned, unexpected. The reality of the betrayal seeps in.

The wind picks up in a chaotic pattern. Her hair whips against her face. Her eyes begin to sting with tears, as she feels the wound opening from her chest.

The trees sway rhythmically beating in time with her rising pulse. She feels the fury building up, coursing through her veins as the air becomes electric around her. It builds and builds.

Her body starts to convulse. Her head is forced back by a pain filled scream escaping her throat. Her eyes wide open filled with black clouds and lightning. A single tear escapes the depths of its prison of darkness. It trickles from the corner of her eye down to her cheek.

She is returning to what she knew best, her walls and ice.

Her haunting cry echoes off the cliff. The wind gusts shove her to her knees. She crosses her hands tight over her chest trying to protect the growing wound. The single tear falls from her cheek to the raging sea below. Her trembling body can do nothing but watch it melt into the crashing tides along the cliff.

The storm frenzies out of control. It rips threw her body as the darkness surrounds her, leaving nothing left.

The Traveler

He entered a world of broken roads and crumbled dreams. On a path he knew few had ever traveled, yet she knew all too well.
All the signs told him of the dangers. Do not enter! He looked ahead where she stood amongst all the wreckage gazing back at him with a haunted look in her eyes. The chill that ran through him only pushed him forward verses deter him.
He stumbled and staggered through the path as though he was in total darkness. All the while he watched as she appeared to elegantly glide through the rubble and path cracked by destruction. He has fallen so many times and has only covered a short distance that he becomes afraid he may never catch up to her. In that moment when he starts to feel weakness creeping in he calls out to her. She stops and gradually turns to see his outstretched hand. Slowly she glides back toward him. She peers into his eyes with her haunted gaze and though his mind is screaming to look away he holds her stare. She was first to break and looks down to his extended hand. Reluctantly she gently takes hold.
They walked together. At first he focused only on the path and all the destruction wondering how he would ever get them to safety. Each passing thought brought pain, fear, anxiety that he may fail which seemed to only add to the destruction around them. He became consumed by the path and fell. He looked up at her in amazement as she floated next to him helping him back to his feet. She looked so fragile how can she so easily maneuver through all this destruction? She lifted his chin to bring his attention away from the chaotic world surrounding them to her haunted eyes. This time she held his stare. He saw through her distressed eyes to who she really was and at that moment a smile crossed her face.
He instantly noticed a difference in his journey. Soon he didn’t see the path or its destruction at all. He never thought to question just how he found this world. Realization sinks in that his own agony was the key that opened his awareness to this place. The moment he arrived he was only focused on the girl. He had only fooled himself thinking he was entering this world drawn in by the urge to save her. He was not just a visitor he was the newest creator. With a fresh understanding he looked back at her. The smile had left her face and her haunted eyes filled with sadness.
They met on a broken road that few had traveled. She knew the path well.

The Plan

They say it always gets worse before it can get better. She thinks she has it all figured out. She knows exactly what it will take to break her free of the chains that hold her from moving forward. She has examined all possibilities and the end result she decide to let in, be consumed knowing it will prove what her mind has been telling her heart all along. As the moment presents itself her mind pulls to create one last chance before resorting to the plan to damage the heart. She is her own worst enemy; self-destructive is the only way she has ever known. Create a pain so large that it engulfs her so there is no chance of even a crack being left to allow in hope that comes from words holding empty promises. In this seemly perfect plan she the sole victim.

Disappointment

You fight with weapons in the form of words.

Turning them to poison slowly absorbing through her veins.

Proving her wrong for believing in endless possibilities.

She counted on you.

Now she counts the fresh wounds of your words against her past scars.

Slap her down just to pick her up.

She hides her tears with and empty smile.

Sleepless nights filled with thoughts of what she could have done differently.

She's not here

The person you seek no longer exists.

Why are you shocked you never really wanted her anyway.

You are as guilty as all the rest trying to make her into what she never was.

Don't throw the guilt trips and play the sweet game.

It only adds to the painful resolve.

Why keep knocking, when there will be no answer.

The smile from the understanding friend has long vanished.

Today you need to feel wanted.

You can't get that from the one you desire you go looking for a stand in.

Waive your magic wand oh great magician and turn her into what you desire.

When the smoke clears and the dusts settles you know it was all just an illusion.

Go ahead bang on the door.

Hell, Kick.....Scream

Realize what you lost????

It won't change the fact that SHE'S NOT HERE!

Cloak Of Darkness

"It could have been prevented"…A hushed voice whispered. "She only fooled herself. "
Words flooded in like water from a broken damn to awaken her from her fantasy.
"Did she think she could really matter?"
She is held paralyzed by the power his words have over her.
"The fool could not see I always held her happiness just out of reach?"
The water quickly rises.


I have to break free and find safety, but the shackles of his words become so tight they begin to cut threw my flesh. Waves of burning sensations come as the water laps against the opening wounds and mixes with my blood. I thought he was a savior sent to come lift me from the darkness. I did not notice he was actually stealing what little light I had left. The water starts to close in around my throat, panic has fully set in. The more I struggle the more water my lungs take on. How could I have trusted you just because you said you were different? Why did I open up again just to be broken down? What was the point? You turned into the very thing you said you were protecting me against. The burning has settled into my lungs. My vision is blurry from my futile struggle against the rising water and my thrashing to free myself. My body craves the air that is obtained just above the surface.


Held down by the weight of what never will be the cloak of darkness surrounded her.
"It could have been prevented"…A hushed voice whispered.

That Guy

I focus on him trapped by his game.
Wishing this time it would not be the same.
Would you run like all the rest?
When you discover the feelings that I suppress.

I focus on him desperate to break the mold.
Thoughts of you help me withhold.
So many things I wish you could know.
If I could open my heart just to show.

I focus on him to keep you at bay.
So my feelings for you don’t go astray.
The day I laid my head upon your lap.
The emotions hit me like a slap.

I focus on him hoping to occupy one thought.
I can’t risk this fragile heart being caught.
The connection with you has come so fast.
I often question if we met in the past.

I focus on him to keep reality in mind.
A remembrance that karma can be unkind.
I can’t take the chance of losing you too.
I fear it will come if we pursue.

I focus on him because he is my pain
Otherwise this lesson was all in vain.
Like him your future is already taken.
So I won’t let these walls start breaking.

I focus on him don’t you see
So I don’t repeat the past with thee!

Negativity

Jealously is a razor.
Sharp, painful
Slicing through
Never stopping
Until the last drop
Is spilled.
________________________

Anger is a canned soda.
Bottled up
Held tightly
Lose your grip
And it will explode!

He Said - She Said

Open your heart and tear down your walls.
- Choose your words wisely you might just get what you wish for.

Tell me what is weighing on your soul I will not judge.
- Love does not leave in a second if it runs deep, I may stumble but my resolve is strong.

I want to know all of you.
- If I told you would you honestly see the real me?

If you truly love someone you can see past their flaws.
- You have built me so high up on a pedestal the only option left is to fall.

Be careful what you do or say because you can make someone fall in love with you .
- Love is unavailable when you are the one fated to be in second place.

We may just be soul mates.
- Reality can make even the kindest of words painful.

The Street People

They stand alone in a world to them that is filled with rejection.
On cold, windy nights they need protection.
They ask for help with signs of hope.
People passing by say they can cope.
At nights they sleep on cold, rough ground,
Hoping tomorrow they will still be around.
You've seen them before and say they had a chance.
No one ever gives them a second glance.
They walk around as people who own the streets,
But no where to go and nothing to eat.
They sit alone some waiting to die
Others pray to God that they will get by.
This land of opportunity is supposed to be for all people.
So why do we choose to forget the street people?

Window Seat

Outside these walls resides my life.
So close to my heart so far from my touch.
Your smile luminates the darkness, acting as a beacon calling a lost ship home.
I close my eyes to see you again while life passes by and I sit captive in the confines of these walls.

Directions when lost....

In my eyes you found understanding

In my hands you found a friend

In my arms you found acceptance

In my soul you found yourself complete

In my heart you found forever

When you are lost and find doubt retrace your steps to find my love.

Midnight Run

Sleep is caught and then it easily escapes, so begins the midnight run through of the thoughts that weigh on your mind waiting to be filed away.

• This one is placed in “great laughs”
• That needs to go into “to do”
• Ah yes, here is a new “lesson learned”
• Another one moves into “memories”

The filing continues as you lay in wait for sleep to be caught again.

It always seems like there are one or two that you can’t find a place for. No solution. Not able to truly understand so no category seems right to file it away in. These build up slowly adding to the darkness weighing down your mind.

You protectively skip over the thoughts that are too much to face and continue to focus on the less challenging. In hopes that if you show them no attention they will disappear and leave you. Rarely though, is it ever that simple. You find yourself focused on the darkness of those looming thoughts, wondering if you will ever find a placement for them. Will they continue to build until you are trapped under their weight and forced to face them?

You realize the unplaced thoughts always pertain to the part of your life that has left you incomplete. That itself should count as the category! So the question begs to be asked, why are these same thoughts present night after night

• Is this some cosmic joke as your life challenge that will only be over once you find a way to file all your thoughts and truly be ok with the results?
• Is there anyone truly happy in every aspect of their life?
• Is there such a thing as being completely whole?
• Or, are we born whole and life is what adds the cracks to make us become incomplete?

The process continues down its nightly path until your mind is filled again with cluttered thoughts and unanswered questions. You settle yourself on the fact that no one can really have all the answers. This statement crosses your mind just in time each night to ease the intensity of the building darkness. Then you are left with the one question that weighs most heavily each night….

Are you ever going to escape the midnight run?

Finding What Was Lost

It’s hard to say when it disappeared.
- A smile crosses my face.
A day turned to days which lead into months in the storm.
- A smile crosses my face.
Something revealed to those who wanted to believe what they saw, yet no longer real.
- A smile crosses my face.
It was shown daily, but rarely was it truly felt.
- A smile crosses my face.


Thoughts of you bring it bubbling up from some forgotten place.
- A smile crosses my face.
Awareness flowing in that it actually has meaning again.
- A smile crosses my face.
Laughing at the funny things you say.
- A smile crosses my face.
Realizing that you take the time to find out who I really am.
- A smile crosses my face.
Finding a friend in an unexpected way.
- A smile crosses my face.

A Letter To The Prince

Dear Prince,
Do not wake her with a kiss. Her story has long been told. You have set out on this quest captivated by the urge to rescue her. Now you stand before her and you are drawn to her beauty.

Her enemies captured and destroyed the dearest parts of who she was leaving just a shell of a body. Her eyes were open and awake but her emotions shut off to the cruel world around her.

Will your act of heroism in a saving kiss be her demise?

While you would see the need to save her…. She has already saved herself.

Long ago she found her escape to this peace. She laid her head down, closed her heart and then her eyes and left this world.

The tranquil, beautiful, angel that lies before you is protected from a world where her enemies once posed as loved ones. In her peaceful rest she has cut herself off from the pain.

If you wake her will you give her the hopes of dreams that were never meant to be?

Dear Prince, I beg you … do not wake her with a kiss!